I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
