If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
