how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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