Someone shit on the floor
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
