I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
