Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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