Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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