Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
