Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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