Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
