i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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