why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need a hoe opinion
go on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
