dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
