that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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