Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
