I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
