dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
