It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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