DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
