When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
