FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
