I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
