Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
