whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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