upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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