i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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