I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
