it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
splinters make it hard to masturbate
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
