i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
