Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
