Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
