Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
