I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
