1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
