Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
