its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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