i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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