i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
