it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
