Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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