I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
