i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ugly people sure do ruin things
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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