i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
