This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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