I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
