we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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