dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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