I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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