Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
