so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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